Finally, level 32 has been reached. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I would have made it to this stage.
But here we are. My usual routine for my birthdays for a long time has been to shut down my social media accounts, turn off my phones, and go dark.
I would probably go and grab a tall bottle of my favourite liquor and drink, reflect and wonder how would I ever make the progress I need in order for me to feel good about my life.
I got news for you…I am still getting that bottle LOL…but the pieces are all on the table for me to start building the puzzle. 2018 has been the year I fucking needed.
It’s true what they say, you are only ever one decision away from changing your entire life. I don’t know what my exact first decision was that set me on this path. It was probably the decision I made back in 2013 to pull the trigger on a decision I put off for years, which was to move to Trinidad.
Everyday is a chance to make a life changing decisions, and I believe 2018 was the year I finally stringed together enough decisions that have put me in a better position, and that all comes from years of making all the wrong ones.
As I sit here writing this blog, listening to one of my favorite soca artists, “Skinny Fabulous”, I can’t help but feel how different this birthday is and I haven’t even left my bedroom as yet.
This year, I won’t be going dark and shutting down my social accounts, this year I am not wondering about how will I be getting out of whatever mess I put myself in.
This year I wont be taking a drink to forget about the tough times. This year, I am taking a drink because by golly george for the first time in a long ass time, I earned to take a drink and toast to something.
2018 didn’t break me. She tried though…she really did lol…But I realized, I needed my own power. I realized how good I can be when I am not in a panicked state, making sloppy decisions.
I remembered that everything starts with an idea and the will to act upon those new ideas. I started to read more, it calmed me, got me thinking about new ways to move forward.
I realized I had nothing to lose and everything to gain with trying new things. Since July, it has felt like everything that has come my way, has been waiting for me this entire time.
I simply needed to go through all the shit, and now that I am at this stage…God only knows how much I appreciate the people, the opportunities, and everything on the table for me.
So while level 32 may be the hardest stage I have faced in my journey, I have never been more ready and willing to run into battle.
I got my Team Cripsy brothers (not crispy,
I have gotten this far alone, but the smartest people know that will only get you so far. The rest of the way will be done with the support of others who are in alignment with my own journey.